I started crying last night at about 9:30 and haven’t really been able to stop. I woke up at 4 and couldn’t go back to sleep. I feel immensely sad. It didn’t help that I picked up the novel I’m reading right now and the author, a good one, is aptly describing a war scene that his character is remembering. The character is an older man, living in a nursing home, battling dementia. He is lost and lonely too. He is haunted by a moment in time where he, as an 18 year-old infantryman, ill-prepared to deal with what one human is capable of doing to another, felt murderous rage and almost becomes the monster he was fighting against.
Because I was on vacation last week and just got back yesterday, I’ve been out of my usual routine, and I almost forgot to meditate. What I was struck by as I did was the gift of two relationships that will never be threatened, taken, broken or lost. One is the relationship I have with myself and the other is my spiritual one.
I want to keep nurturing and developing both so that the groove of connection is so deep and familiar that even if I lose my mind someday, my heart and spirit will still know the way.