As I mentioned in my bio, I want to “be a writer.” I love everything about it. So when Alexa and Dawn agreed to let me collaborate on this website, Your Beautiful Life, I was really excited. Excited, that is, until Dawn asked me for an actual post a month later. And then my excitement had a head on collision with Mr. Fear.
Fear is an experience I’ve had way too much of in my life. I’m happy to be seeing it in my rearview mirror more and more these days. But here he was, kicking me out of the driver’s seat again. Self-doubt and worry that my writing wouldn’t be good enough were fogging my windshield.
So I was inspired to do a word search on “fear” in my Dictionary of Word Origins by Joseph T. Shipley. The first definition of the word referred to the occurrence of a disaster. And was equivalent to what we would now call terror. Then the meaning of the word shifted from the actual fearful event to suggest the feeling of dread. A person who used to be “afeared” gives us the word “afraid.” “Afraid” also referred to a punishment due a person for a breach of peace.
I lit up when I read that. If on a deeper level fear is about a breach of peace, then this definition gives me some direction.
It’s ineffective to try and talk myself out of being afraid of writing a post on YBL. Instead, I can look for where there might be peace in this endeavor. Then I am no longer giving my attention to what I am afraid of. I’m turning my back on fear and looking for the joy I feel in being a part of YBL, and the gratitude I have for the opportunity. I don’t have to control the outcome. And I feel at peace when I just focus on showing up and doing my best.
Peace. Look for it.