As I shopped for Christmas gifts a few weeks ago, I ran across a book of quotes at Barnes and Noble. I randomly flipped the book open and an excerpt of Toni Robbins caught my eye. He wrote, “We waste time looking for the perfect lover instead of creating the perfect love.”
There are multiple layers of truth in this one sentence. I like that it reminds me to look at relationships in terms of moments, this moment. I always have the power to shift my response to or perspective on what is happening, which this quote encourages me to do. I can be mindful of what I am creating in the space between me and another person. It’s about a dynamic interchange versus a stagnant one.
Toni’s quotation also inspires me to have hope in the possibility of growth and evolution. One of the difficulties of being in a relationship arises when a pattern of relating becomes unproductive and entrenched. We all have issues that we struggle with, ways that we are individually stuck or unhealed. We reinjure ourselves over and over until we are able to be aware of what we are doing and outgrow a distorted belief and/or corresponding harmful behavior. And of course, that singular process affects or hurts our partner, family member or friend because we can’t relate to another in a healthy life-giving way if we aren’t free internally.
I don’t have a lover right now. I am currently contentedly single. And yet this truth is still relevant to me because it also applies to the relationship I have with myself. At any given moment, I am able to create love by treating myself with understanding and in an accepting way. I have the freedom to develop. I have the power to change whatever no longer serves me and is not conducive to my well-being. It may not be instantaneous or easy to do, but with the firm gentleness of love, I can thrive. It is critical that I do, and the more responsibility I assume for my own vitality, the more I will have a life worth living.
May I be mindful of the ability I have to create love, both within and in between, in every moment.